Sweets

Today we shall explore the wonders and caveats of the English snack cake situation. The easiest way to do this, I reckon, is to just make a list of words, defining each one. So here goes.

Donut - They sell Krispy Kremes in Tesco, and there is a stand inside Fulham Broadway. Aside from the KK variety, most grocery stores will sell their own variation of your glazed and jam filled, but you SOL if you're after a maple bar or an apple fritter.
Muffin - The coffee places all sell muffins, and in essence the Starbucks muffins here are the same as those in the NW, but maybe slightly different flavors. They are just generally referred to as muffins. A place at West Quay in Southampton specified that they sold American muffins, these again being of the same variety. Now if you go to the grocery store, you can buy some again not very good blueberry muffins or whatever, or what they also just refer to as muffins but we call English muffins. I believe these to have been their original muffin, and then we sort of invaded with our tastier, non-toasted variety and sort of forced the word to have duel meaning.
Biscuit - Falls under what we would term a cookie, but aren't really fans of. Generally cracker-like cookies small in size and not overly sweet, commonly dipped in hot beverages.
Cookie - The larger, usually softer variety of cookie often inclusive of bits of chocolate. Sainsburys sells some specifically labelled as being 'American style cookies'. Often sold commercially as chocolate CHUNK (not chip), double chocolate, or with Smarties (M&Ms). Oatmeal raisin and snickerdoodles are non-existent.
Raisin - A bit out of step, but I find bizarre. Generally referred to as sultanas and coming from white grapes. In lieu of raisin bran you have sultana bran, for example, but you can still buy the little packs of California raisins.
Scone - What we would refer to as a buttermilk biscuit, often found termed as 'fruit' and containing raisins/sultanas, but no other fruit. A limited number of Starbucks in London also carry the 'mixed berry scone' which is what we term a scone and filled with berries and has sugar on top. Our version of the scone has not been seen anywhere else in these parts.
Pancake - A bit of a tricky one, because as with many of these terms, can describe a variety of things. American style pancakes are not common for whatever reason. There are pre-made pancakes available in the grocery store that appear to be similar to our thin pancakes, only packed full of preservatives and ergo not so good. Pancake can also be used to describe the large, flat burrito-style variety that, while I'm not 100%, are what we just call crepes. Crepes also available.
Crumpet - Easily mistaken for thick English muffin. They are unnaturally moist and a bit sticky, with one porous side and one cooked pancake like side. They are toasted and you apparently top with butter, which melts and oozes into the porous area, infiltrating the crumpet. They scare me. Also a slang term for referring to a woman.
Croissant - Available in excess, and often in more varieties than seen regularly in the US. The chocolate filled variety, pain au chocolat, is much more popular and better than those I've had stateside.
Toast - Luckily toast is universal, but the terms for bread are not. White bread is white bread, but then it all falls apart. Brown bread is the main alternative, and is similar to wheat but of an even brown chunkless tone. My favorite is granary bread, which is sort of like wheat but not as wheaty, if that makes any sense. There is also granary wholemeal, which is a bit darker than original granary. If ordering toast out and about, your choices are probably just white or brown bread.
Brownie - The same. Was at Starbucks a few weeks ago and I swear they had three different kinds that probably all tasted exactly the same.

I think that covers most of the spectrum. Personally I find the whole food area quite interesting, so perhaps I'll continue along those lines tomorrow. Let me know if there's anything I've forgotten!