Behold the power of tea

Tea is an extra special beverage in the UK because unlike coffee or hot chocolate, it has magical healing powers. Or at least that's what popular culture has convinced you to think. Having read more than my fair share of books about the UK and books taking place in the UK before I came over here, and having read more since this time, I feel I'm at least somewhat qualified to relay at least some of the following.

We'll start with Wilkie Collins, who is of course my favorite and should be yours, and his book Armadale, which I recently completed. Taking place in the 1850s in England, there were plenty of references to tea and its power. Large portions of the story were told via the main villain's diary. The character, a murderous ginger laudanum addict (or whatever it is called), would occasionally get a bit stressed out while going over her plans to ruin the lives of others/kill people/take over the world. In such times of stress, in lieu of taking her psychedelic drugs, she would make herself a nice cup of tea. Afterwards she would thus be calm, clear-headed and relaxed, able to resume her ambitious plans. Perhaps this message should be spread to today's meth addicts.

In more recent literature, before Christmas break I glanced through my work neighbor's copy of 'Watching the English' (she's Irish so not technically one of them, thus allowing her to watch), by Kate Fox. Skimming through it, one of the few sections I did read was that on tea. According to its sociological findings, the cup of tea is the default fix-all in times of general worry. In extremely stressful situation, like let's say your house just collapsed in a tornado, you simply up the ante to a cup of tea with a biscuit. I'm speculating a bit here, but I think the power is increased if a matronly grandmother type wearing an apron makes the tea for you and watches expectantly with their hands clasped while you drink it. A cup of tea from a despondent teenager wearing headphones just wouldn't be as effective.

From my understanding, a cup of tea can be taken to cure any of the following:
- Tiredness
- Stress
- Cold
- Flu
- Woe
- Fretfulness

And should be consumed ASAP when any of the following situations occur:
- coming in from the cold
- sleepiness strikes
- you are bedstricken with a crippling fever
- you are visiting someone in the hospital because they have a crippling fever
- hosting a dinner party
- a pet runs away
- coup attempt
- you declare bankruptcy
- nothing much else to do

As you can see, tea is really a cure all. This is the most obvious explanation for its overwhelming prevalence in British society today (and in the days of yore before they had useful drugs and the answer to everything was having a doctor slice your arm open so you bleed into a bowl). While this is all just my opinion, at least 18% of it is backed up by solid evidence and it is therefore best to accept the whole thing as gospel.